Smile - or else

Sheelzebub, on her excellent blog, links to a fascinating discussion on Hugo Schwyzer's blog about how some men perceive themselves as being judged guilty by women before having a chance to prove themselves otherwise. As Sheelzebub notes, the conversation turns to how women respond to being told to smile by men.

This comment from Moontyger in the original discussion is spot on:

I think what most bothered me about the original post (and being told to smile by strangers) is the whole idea that it is all about *them*. Why am I obligated to notice and react to strangers? Why should they take my not noticing them as a personal insult? It just seems really self-centered to me to assume that 1) a woman not smiling at you has something to do with her perception of you and 2) to assume you have the right to tell her to smile because somehow women owe it to men to be pleasant.

Exactly. Sheelzebub also sums it up nicely:

Women are not obligated to date you, smile at you, or talk to you. Only creeps believe otherwise.

I share both Moontyger's and Sheelzebub's attitude on this. I've often had perfect strangers bark at me, "Smile!" (usually followed by claptrap like "You're too pretty not to smile") - to which my response has generally been, "Sod off."

And that attitude comes from my irritation with the assumption that I owe some strange man anything whatsoever. It's astonishing to me what some men assume they have a right to do. When I was in college in Manhattan, I was walking back to my dormitory early one evening when I saw two men on the sidewalk, about the same age as me or a little older. As I passed them, one reached out - lightning fast - and grabbed between my legs, then laughed and continued on his way.

I was so shocked, so stunned, I stood speechless for a moment, before recovering my wits and hurling curses at the back of his retreating head. In retrospect, I wish I'd hurled a heavy object instead.

In what perverse, screwed up universe does a man think that kind of violation is his right?